Life changing so fast…..

Haven’t written anything in a while but I felt like today I wanted to write how I was feeling…..Diary

My eldest daughter started secondary school this morning. The emotion of it all has been building all summer….. firstly we had ‘leavers mass’ with primary school, the kids sang a song about their hopes and dreams and all the mammies sobbed for their little babies all grown up. The kids were excited to be leaving, the biggest in the school being made to feel like they were the most important people in the school ever. Treated like kings and on top of the world.

Fast forward to uniform shopping and it’s all very exciting (and expensive!!!) The books are covered and new pens and pencils all labelled and ready.

Suddenly, a couple of days before, she’s nervous – now I’ve been nervous all along but hid it well (I hope!!) 

She asks me to promise that everything will be ok. We have ‘a thing’ in our house, you can promise and that’s fine but if you make a pinky promise, that’s serious shit!! You cannot break a pinky promise under any circumstances!! So I promise that everything will be ok. Then she asks me to pinky promise!! Panic…..

How can I ‘pinky promise’ that everything will be ok? Of course I hope it will, that she will make nice friends, that she will be confident, work hard and do well in school. In reality, I have no control over any of this. I had to let her go at the school door this morning and figure out how to do all of the above on her own. In primary we know all the kids, we know all the mams and dads, we know the teachers, it’s all very relaxed and friendly. This is new territory for all of us, we won’t know all the girls or their parents, we’ll rarely get to speak to the teachers.

So I ‘pinky promised’  that it would all be fine, cause I’m sure it will be…. I hope it will be……

So this morning comes, she’s nervous, I’m overly chirpy. The uniform is rigid and new and too big. We get to the school and anxiously await the arrival of a familiar face. The friends arrive and she’s smiling and happy and confident. Then the principal comes out and ushers them all inside. She looks back and I know she wants a kiss or a cuddle but she won’t, not with all her friends there, so off she goes, without looking back. And that’s it, my little girl off to begin a new adventure….

oooohhhh I feel better already, this is like free therapy….. 🙂

Questioning Marraige

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This week has seen our family deal with the breakdown of a marraige in somebody close to us. Although it doesn’t affect me directly, it has had a profound effect on my youngest daughter. It was unfortunate that, on Thursday, when ‘the news broke’ the kids were in the house with my mother and with calls flying backwards and forwards they got all the details before I returned from my parent teacher meeting.

I spoke to the kids and explained that sometimes, people are just not meant to stay married and that it would be better all round if they can co parent, live separately and be the best parents they can be, just not as a couple. There were lots of questions from both girls about who would live where, arrangements for the kids etc. I tried to explain as best I could.

Of my 2 daughters, my eldest is definitely the drama queen, at 12, everything is a huge drama but she took this one in her stride. My youngest daughter (9) is normally the opposite, couldn’t give a toss as long as she has dolls / lego, someone to play with and a bit of grub 🙂 Friday morning though, she didn’t want to go to school, (She loves school!!!) she had herself so worked up that she was pale. I tried to brush it off, we had a chat and a cuddle and sent her off to school. She went to a friends house to play after school and when I picked her up she was in floods of tears. When she realised that I was 10 minutes late (bad mammy!!!) she got upset which ended up in her telling one of her friends what was going on. I was so surprised that it effected her so badly. There were questions about ‘if it was you and Daddy what would happen’….. A weekend of reassurance followed and hubby and I made a conscious effort not to bicker about stupid stuff so she wouldn’t get any ideas about us separating.

I suppose the lesson is that you just don’t know what way kids are thinking and how their imaginations can take hold and run wild on them. Another lesson would be that they wouldn’t be privy to so much of the information in the first place but that was outside my control at the time.